“Buddhism is not a belief system. It’s not about accepting certain tenets or believing a set of claims or principles. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s about examining the world clearly and carefully, about testing everything and every idea. Buddhism is about seeing. It’s about knowing rather than believing or hoping or wishing. It’s also about not being afraid to examine anything and everything, including our own personal agendas . . . The message is always to examine and see for yourself. When you see for yourself what is true—and that’s really the only way that you can genuinely know anything—then embrace it. Until then, just suspend judgment and criticism. The point of Buddhism is to just see. That’s all . . . An ordinary person is simply one who is not awake in the moment; a buddha is a person who is. That’s all.” —Steve Hagan, author of Buddhism Plain and Simple: The practice of Being Aware, Right Now, Every Day

To be fully human and see the humanity in all others. To have compassion for all sentient beings, understanding that they too experience all of the senses and are capable of emotions. This way of walking through life, engaging with it subtly, yet powerfully, infusing both our daily life and others, with the ability to be and express our full and most capable selves, is to live with awareness. To see and engage fully without expectation or harm.

For example, one of the ladybird’s gifts is their appetite for many pests in the garden, effectively being a natural pest deterrent; the talent of bees is to disperse pollen which plays a crucial role in the entire food production chain; and as we consider any human on earth throughout history who gives of their talents that further contributed positively to the world. These brave and determined souls, without each one, the world would not be as we know it today.

When we celebrate the humanity of one another, we set each other free to discover the treasures we each uniquely have within us. Then it is each individual’s job, at times daunting, but most primarily exhilarating, to share with the world what we have realized is our dharma – what we can uniquely share with the world that also energizes us while we engage in the giving.

There is much confusion about what Buddhism is, and unlike what many Google searches will retrieve when we try to figure it out, it is not a religion. The Dalai Lama himself states it most directly, “Buddhist teachings are not a religion, they are a science of the mind.” In other words, it is an approach to understanding our own mind, NOT being told what to think nor HOW to live concretely. Rather the concepts of Mindfulness, Awareness, Compassion, Appreciation and Courage are many of the fundamental skills, which are also the core concepts of cultivating a life of contentment, a simply luxurious life.

Earlier this spring I took some time to update the Start Here/Introductions page on the blog (TSLL) because after years of learning about how to live a life of contentment, and reading book after book by various experts in the field of both psychology, neurology and mindfulness, common themes repeated themselves across all three – these principles also appear in the ethos of Buddhism.

Any time a word with the suffix ‘-ism’ appears it understandably prompts a raised eyebrow of curiosity. After all, ‘-ism’, is derived from the Greek word ‘-ismós’ which means the act or practice of doing something and often is also understood in the English language to mean a system or doctrine. And while yes, Buddhism is an act or practice of doing something, it is not a religion as a religion relies on a deity or divine revelation, and Buddhism does not. Rather, Buddhism is a personal practice of self-discovery and considered a philosophy of understanding the mind, the human condition and discovery our full potential for freedom and greatness. Here are two sources, one an interview with Jack Kornfield and from Elephant Journal, both explaining why Buddhism is not a religion.

More importantly, Buddhism doesn’t technically fit in with what we, in the Western world, associate with other -isms because, as Steven Hagan points out in Buddhism: Plain & Simple, “It is a process, an awareness, an openness, a spirit of inquiry—not a belief system, or even a religion.” He likens Buddhism to a raft, something that provides us the tools and teaches us skills to get us across the water that had previously been a barrier uncrossable (figuring out how to understand ourselves and then how to engage with the world with love, kindness and integrity). Once we make it across the river, “you must leave the raft behind.”

However, unlike a dogma or religion, Buddhism requires that you move forward in what you have discovered once it has helped you to discover it. Hagan writes, “If we hang on to Buddhist teachings—or any teachings—they will ultimately become a hindrance. Buddhist teachings and writings can assist you, but you won’t find Truth in them, as if Truth somehow resided in the Buddha’s words. No words—Buddha’s, mine, or anyone else’s—can see for you. You must do that for yourself.”

In other words, Buddhism teaches us how to think well (understanding how our mind works, the skills to harness its strengths to open us up to the knowledge that is already within each of us), but it doesn’t tell us what to think. I liken it to teaching versus preaching. Something I would always say to my students in AP Language, a course about rhetoric. I am not here to tell you what to think (that would be preaching, in other words dogmatic and parochial in thinking), rather, I am going to teach you how to think – give you the skills and tools and you can use it however you need to unearth your unique journey forward.

“Buddha’s words can also be likened to a finger pointing to the moon. His teachings can point to Truth [how to find it for yourself about yourself and your life journey and gifts], but they cannot be Truth. Buddhas—people who are awake—can only point the way. We cannot hold Truth with words. We can only see it, experience it, for ourselves.”—Steven Hagan, author of Buddhism: Plain and Simple

“Those who practice Buddhism come from all walks of life, all religions, no religion at all, or are agnostic.“

Another point I want to bring to your attention: Those who practice Buddhism come from all walks of life, all religions, no religion at all, or are agnostic. Buddhism is a living psychology, “one of the oldest and most well-developed systems of healing and understanding on the face of the earth” as shared by Jack Kornfield, who trained as a Buddhist monk in Thailand before acquiring his doctorate in clinical psychology; he has been credited with introducing mindfulness to the West and is the founder of two of the largest Buddhist centers and communities in America (learn more about him and see all of his books here).

Back to the parallels of the ethos of Buddhism and living a life of contentment: Buddhism’s purpose is to bring deep healing, well-being and inner freedom. Contentment, which is experienced when we understand the mind, engage with the world and ourselves with loving-kindness and integrity, occurs when we live fully in the present. Jack Kornfield shares that when we “live in the present, joy arises for no reason. This is the happiness of consciousness that is not dependent on particular conditions.” That joy is what contentment feels like. Contentment is not dependent on external circumstances, but rather, as I teach in detail in the Contentment Masterclass, is a mode of travel no matter what the weather or road conditions to use the analogy for how we travel through our days and along our life journey. We, our peace within ourselves, determines our joy. Knowing how to engage with the world in a way that is true to what we know about ourselves – strengths, passions and values, but also contributing positively to the world with whom or whatever crosses our path, things we cannot control.

With all of that said, I wanted to bring today’s episode to you to share how living a simply luxurious life integrates the psychology of Buddhism. I will be citing quotes from Jack Kornfield’ss book The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology throughout this post, and while a tome of a book (over 400 pages), it is a book that offers an approachable understanding of the 26 principles of Buddhist psychology taught directly and through anecdotes.

Let’s take a look at a list of just 10, of many!, ways that likely you are already incorporating the psychology of Buddhism into your daily life that cultivates contentment.

1. Respecting the humanity in all, others and ourself

“Each of us needs to find our way to be whole and free.”

The Buddha nature is simply the truth of who each of us really is. And if you have taken a yoga class, likely it ended with the salutation of ‘namaste’, which simply means, ‘I honor the divine within you.” In other words, I will not harm you and while we may be different, we are all human and thus, respect one another and value each other’s dignity to live freely as our unique selves. By doing this, we build trust. The respect given, interestingly enough, begins with respecting ourselves. When we are able to be respectful to ourself, we are then able to truly respect another.

Respecting ourself doesn’t mean growth is ignored, but rather, understanding that we are enough just as we are and we can continue to change, to develop and grow. That too is part of honoring our true nature.

2. Engaging with the world with kindness and compassion

“Compassion is our deepest nature. It arises from our interconnection with all things.”

Over the past few years here on TSLL, we’ve talked about the two guiding principles for how to engage every day, both with others and ourself. One was just mentioned above – this respecting ourselves and honoring and doing what nourishes our true nature (engaging with integrity). The other is to engage with loving-kindness. When we remember to always engage with both of these approaches, healing can occur because we are seeing both ourself, others and the situation clearly.

Compassion is possible when we give ourself regular time to quiet the mind and be still. It becomes easier to this when we exercise our mind through meditation. Which, as we have discussed in detail here in this post and even further in the Contentment Masterclass, meditation is not a stopping of our thoughts, but of observing them. In other words, we step back and become almost a third party watching our thoughts and feelings pass by, because they will, if we don’t react and engage with them rashly. When we can observe our thoughts, we begin to gain clarity, and it becomes far easier to be compassionate.

Kornfield points out that compassion is difficult when we have either experienced trauma or are clouded by ignorance, false teachings or influences on how life should be lived. “On the global scale, ignorance manifests as injustice, racism, exploitation, and violence. On a personal scale, we see our own states of envy, anxiety, addiction and aggression.” But the good news is that who we are naturally, innately, is compassionate. Once we can become quiet and be honest about the layers of ignorance and trauma and slowly begin to remove them, to get past them, then we will find the ability and the tranquility to be kind – both to ourself and others, and this is what brings about healing.

3. Exhibiting courage by being compassionate and being loving

“Great courage is not demonstrated by aggression or ambition. Aggression and ambition are more often expressions of fear and delusion. The courageous heart is the one that is unafraid to open to the world. With compassion we come to trust our capacity to open to life without armoring.”

Instead of hatred, care. Instead of violence, kindness. This doesn’t mean we toss away boundaries. We can still say no, but we do this with a courageous heart because that is to honor our integrity, and in so doing we are at peace because we have engaged peacefully, yet with dignity.

4. Understand our mind and become the master of it, not ignorant of all that it can do

“Buddhist psychology helps us work with thoughts in two important ways: First, it teaches us how to acknowledge the content of our thoughts. Second, we learn the ability to disentangle from them.”

Meditation is a practice that, as mentioned above, gives us the opportunity to practice stepping back from being at the center of our swirling mind. It doesn’t stop our mind from thinking, but removes our engagement from rolling with wherever our mind and emotions grab us and pull us to go. Questioning our thoughts “is at the heart of Buddhist practice”. This is yet another reason Buddhism is not a religion. It is not telling us what to think, but to think for ourselves. And most importantly, think clearly without reacting to every thought and emotion that pops up. Instead, being as objective as possible, stepping back and assessing what is this emotion? And then applying the four questions that were shared in TSLL’s 3rd book from Byron Katie that mimic the Buddhist approach as well:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

So often the stories we let run amuck in our mind have no ‘legs’. In other words, when we finally stop, step back and begin to question the veracity of them, we realize they have no substance and thus we can help ourselves out by not letting them prompt us to worry, fear or act rashly.

Throughout TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass, I teach students through support from neuroscience experts and teachers in psychology what exactly is going on in the mind and why it fears, why it wants to react and how to constructively learn the skills that will enhance rather than shrink the quality of our everyday life.

5. Living Mindfully

“The point of mindfulness is not to get rid of thought but to learn to see thought skillfully. The Buddhist tradition trains the thinking mind and intellect to think clearly and well.”

Pausing. Something we talked about recently here on the blog, brings healing and gives us clarity. Tara Brach teaches the skill of radical acceptance. An internationally known teacher of mindfulness meditation, Brach reminds us that to live mindfully, we don’t react, but instead pause. By pausing we avoid inflicting any unnecessary pain or harm, either to ourself or others with our words or actions. This is to live mindfully.

What exactly, yet simply put, is mindfulness? “Mindfulness is attention.”

We are not casting judgment, yet seeing clearly all that is without reacting or jumping into it because when we do that we bring our assumptions based on past experiences (however accurate our understanding of those events were) into the space, and thus, we aren’t being mindful.

When we begin to live mindfully, we actually set ourself free. Free from expectations, criticism and competition. This is not to say we become a lazy sloth, but rather, our intentions point us in the direction we wish to travel, and we engage fully with what is happening in the present moment. We fully see it and observe it without framing it in any sort of way to fit our ‘story’. “Mindful attention to any experience is liberating. Mindfulness brings perspective, balance and freedom.”

Our ability to be mindful will help us heal and move through uncomfortable, even painful times, in a constructive way that while not easy, provides the tools that will bring us peace in how we move through these difficult times. “Mindfulness does not reject experience. It lets experience be the teacher.” In other words, we do not suppress our emotions of grief, sadness, anger – anything that is unwanted, but rather acknowledge it, let ourselves feel it and engage with it healthily as well as prevent us from clinging to unhelpful stories that cause further unnecessary pain either to ourself or others.

6. Suffering is not inevitable

“Suffering is different from pain. Suffering is our reaction to the inevitable pain of life.”

Suffering is often believed to be something, due to being human, we must endure. Many religions teach this approach, even some in the world of psychology, Freud for example. But this need not be the case. Often the confusion is in the word choice – pain is different from suffering. Pain, as the quote mentions above, is inevitable. There is so much in the world we will never be able to control, and yes, some of those uncontrollable will not be wanted and will cause pain. But “freedom from suffering is possible when we let go of our reactions, our fear and grasping.”

Something we began talking about way back in 2017 is the difference between responding and reacting (episode #145). It is when we react that we aren’t mindful, nor taking time to fully pay attention to not only what is going on outside of us, but why any emotion arises within us when something occurs that triggers that emotions. Self-knowledge, awareness, gained through strengthening our emotional intelligence as well as our mind through meditation and knowledge of how the brain works gives us the tools to respond rather than react.

Regarding fear, when we don’t understand what fear is, we get in our own way, and unnecessarily cause suffering. That suffering may occur immediately or down the road due to not making decisions that would be beneficial long-term, but we made a decision based on fear rather than honor our needs. In other words, fear is often our inner compass pointing us in the direction of where we need to go, even if initially it will be scary as there are many uncertainties.

And grasping comes from wanting something we don’t currently have. Once we have the ability to know the different between healthy desire that is nourishing versus wanting because we are lacking, we can avoid grasping which would cause suffering.

Another way of looking at this is through noting the difference between high and low pleasures. There is yet another misconception about Buddhism that it condemns all desire. This is not true. There is a distinction between healthy and unhealthy desire, something Kornfield talks about at length in chapter 13 in The Wise Heart. Once we understand the difference between the two, we find freedom. “The idea is not to be without desire, but to have a wise relationship with desire.”

A healthy desire “creates happiness, based on wisdom and compassion, gives rise to care, stewardship, generosity, integrity and spiritual growth”. An unhealthy desire “creates suffering, based on greed and ignorance, gives rise to possessiveness, fear, avarice, and clinging.”

Once we strengthen our awareness of how we create our own suffering, we can begin to no longer get in our own way and refrain from making the inevitable painful moments of life any more difficult than they need to be.

7. Finding our dharma sets us free

“Your true nature is something never lost to you, even in moments of delusion, nor is it gained at the moment of enlightenment. It is the nature of your own mind, the source of all things, your original luminous brilliance. You, the richest person in the world, have been going around laboring and begging, when all the while the treasure you seek is within you. It is who you are.” —Huang Po, a Chinese Zen master

How to find our dharma is often the question, and something that is taught in detail in the Contentment Masterclass, but what I would like to remind us about is how it can all begins with caring for ourselves thoughtfully. Creating simple rituals, something Kornfield talks about in The Wise Heart as well, have the ability to help us let go of the past and “reawaken [us to] our true nature.” Often the best medicine, the best way to begin to hearing what our inner compass is trying to make us understand is to create personalized rituals as simple as writing down what you will be letting go of on a piece of paper on Winter Solstice and then letting them go by either burning that piece of paper or letting it dissolve gently into water. The rituals can be anything that nourishes you, helps you to be still and thus quiet the mind so you can be fully present and grounded into your true self. Explore all of the many posts and episodes about rituals, what they are, how to create your own and ideas of inspiration, here in TSLL’s Archives.

Once we find our dharma – what we can uniquely give to the world that constructively contributes while also energizing us rather than draining us, even if who we give our gifts to is but one person who benefits, that can absolutely be our dharma! When you come to life, when you are fully present and alive, you are touching on something that is setting you free. Honor what you discover, trust what you learn about yourself and then that too will give you the courage and strength to learn more, endure the temporary challenges and give you a purpose that wakes you up in the morning with exhilaration.

The 7 Necessities for Living Your Dharma

8. Love and protect all living things

“In Buddhism, this reverence for all life is called virtue, and it is considered fundamental.”

When we talk about all living things, we include all humans, as well as Mother Nature, her animals, plants and creatures. There are three levels of virtue in Buddhism’s psychology, and the first is to “stop harmful actions”. This refers to harmful actions to others and ourself; the second is to “cultivate a reverence for life . . . we act with stewardship for the things of the earth . . . and stand up for truth”. And the final virtue is the “integrity of the awakened heart”. In other words, we are thinking critically and not following blindly rules and dictates by others or institutions, or cultures, but questioning and checking in with what we know to be real loving and compassionate values.

9. Forgiveness in order to heal and to find freedom

“In Buddhist psychology, forgiveness is not presented as a moral commandment—’Thou shalt forgive.’ It is understood as a way to end suffering, to bring dignity and harmony to our life.”

At the core of why forgiveness is a necessity has everything to do with us, the one who is suffering by holding on to that pain. “Forgiveness is fundamentally for our own sake, for our own mental health. It is a way to let go of the pain we carry.” While the journey through forgiveness often takes time and moves through stages (Kornfield shares them here – “grief, rage, sorrow, hurt, and confusion”), it is by letting ourself feel this pain that we are holding on to and need to release by moving through it that forgiveness brings relief. If we can shift how we look at forgiveness, to instead see it as both fierce and compassionate, we give ourself back life and the ability to live fully without clinging to pain that is causing us unnecessary suffering. Keep in mind, we are not condoning or allowing or okaying the behavior that caused us pain, but instead giving ourselves the freedom to move beyond.

10. Living peacefully

“There is no separation between inner and outer, self and other. Tending ourselves, we tend the world. Tending the world, we tend ourselves.”

How we bring about the peace we seek begins with quieting our mind. Once we understand our mind, then we become aware and thus more mindful of why we are feeling the unwanted emotions that rise up, and can then examine them and take away their power. It all begins with quieting the mind, and the flipside that is the gift we give ourself, is that we discover with clarity who we are innately – what brings us to life, what energizes us. How is this possible? Because we are able to remove the layers of influence from others that have perhaps with good intentions, others maybe not, tried to help us figure out our way in the world. But the truth is, you are the one that holds that map, only you.

What does quieting the mind look like? Be mindful of all the outside influences of ‘ideas’. From media – from news, social media, music with lyrics that purport any sort of belief or trend, etc.. When you begin to be mindful of all that surrounds you and how it influences your thinking, then you can begin mindfully welcoming into your days more nourishment.

And once we honor what we discover, something we discussed in episode #307 – How to Step into Your Fullest True Self as taught by Martha Beck – we discover both the freedom we’ve may have thought was impossible, and also the peace of mind. Because now we feel at home within ourself. We are no longer fighting what we do not understand that keeps rising up and asking us to pay attention to. No more. And that brings peace each and everyday, knowing we have found and are embracing our dharma. When we are at peace, we are then able to engage more peacefully with the world, and the more people that are at peace within the world, the more the world will be peaceful.

How Experiencing Inner Peace Contributes to a Peaceful World

I have a feeling, whatever your walk of life, wherever you are in your life journey at this moment, you are practicing many of these ways of living already. Perhaps some are unconscious, but now they are each consciously brought to your awareness. To know how powerful each one of these can be to discovering how to live a life of contentment, we hone their ability to connect more fully with others, connect more fully with ourself and explore what curiosities may bubble up to the surface seemingly out of nowhere. When we give respect to our mind – to know it and then use it lovingly with compassion and respect to ourself and others – our world – intimately and grandly – changes for the better.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode/post. I feel as though this was a long-time coming post of content that while discussed here and there in so many posts, needed to be put all in one place. You’re already living so many of the components of what a life of true contentment involves. Now with consciousness, the experience can only deepen the quality of your unique approach that honors your true self. Wishing you many moments, days and years to savor this life you are living.

~Explore TSLL’s Contentment Masterclass here (view the detailed syllabus, watch the trailer and see what students are saying about their experience).

Petit Plaisir

A simple garden pot arrangement for the shade

-Click here to read a detailed post about the three plants that will simply bring a shade garden pot to life and require little maintenance all gardening season. Or tune in to the end of today’s episode.